Don't you know that true love never dies.

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 18:01:53 GMT

I'm ready to do what I need to do to make myself happy.

obviously i bought his cd.

Thu, 04 Jun 2009 04:36:32 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NB5OUxl-84

It's finally paying off.

Wed, 13 May 2009 15:23:12 GMT

I wrote a program protocol and I'm getting it copyrighted so it can be published? Score.

Sun, 10 May 2009 02:30:54 GMT

i should be graduating in a few days. instead it won't be until december 2010 that i can say i'm done. everyone says, oh just three more semesters. but unless you've worked your ass off in school since you were three, knew you fucked up all throughout college, and am now watching everyone you graduated with finish college, you have no idea how fucking long three semesters can be. i'm in such need for money that i applied to be a babysitter. at a gym. in lindenhurst.
im so much more than where my life is right now, i'm just waiting for it to catch up to me.

Just my everymorning.

Tue, 05 May 2009 13:10:50 GMT

laying in bed, bob dylan on, watching sam get dressed for work, colin perched in the windowsill, i want this every morning.

My grandmother's comments on starting chemo this week:

Fri, 17 Apr 2009 19:36:20 GMT

"I am looking forward to meeting other people and hoping that I can be to them a source of strength, comfort and love."

Grandma's gonna have them up and praying at 7:30 every morning, no doubt, followed by chemo quilt circle, and boxed wine tasting at noon. God I love her.

Fri, 20 Mar 2009 02:43:58 GMT

I have dreams about Pillsbury crescent rolls.
The healthier I get, the sicker everyone around me becomes.
I need to be back in therapy ASAP, my eye has been twitching for a solid week, whenever certain subjects come up.
I love the people I've been spending my time with.
It's taken me 4 years, but I'm finally getting involved at my school and (gasp!) making friends of my own.
I miss flaky food products.
I wonder how much I weigh.
121.2 clothed. How much do you take off for clothes?
General Google consensus is about 3 pounds.
So, about 118. Since January 5, I've been 110, 125, 120, 118. Oh, gluten free. I'm confused.

Thanks for hanging in for that.
I have 8 more classes then my internship. I can't wait.
It used to bother me (let's face it, it still kind of does) that I'm graduating three semesters behind. But If I stayed at St. Joe's the first time, or stayed at New Paltz, or finished after Suffolk, I wouldn't have the job I do, the friends I do, or the right major. I would have gotten my degree, went on teaching, and been perfectly happy, but not as happy as I will be now.

Tootsie pops are GF. ftw.
This has become my life now. Food, what I can and cannot eat, where I can eat, how things are prepared. You don't realize how much of your life is food-related, until everything changes.

Anyway.
One of my students called me by my name today. He never has, in the 18 months I've been working with him. He always kind of just meshed my face with another staffs (we look alike, it's understandable), so every conversation has been "Beth, I want _____" 'No, Jesse.' "Beth, I want Jesse." 'No. Jesse, I want ______.' ".....I want ______." '..Fine.'. Today, I got a full on, looked me in the eyes, "Jesse." It totally made my day.
That and "The Blue Song" being on the radio. Perfect.

I got to sleep on Sammy's side of the bed last night, and I realized that I've been gypped for the past 3 1/2 years. His is SO much better. I was actually able to fall back asleep after he left for work, which never happens.
Also, hooray for Sammy getting a new job. And health insurance. I've learned lately how important health insurance is.

I'm okay with it all.

Sun, 08 Feb 2009 11:13:57 GMT

I felt like I was being stabbed in the stomach, pain was the worst I've ever felt. Possibly I was glutened? It's being accompanied by terrible anxiety and panic, which I've been told happens. I have a feeling I won't be working today.

Dear gluten,

Way to suck.

Thanks bye.

Do you think Obama listens to Flobots?

Thu, 22 Jan 2009 03:26:49 GMT

-I'm starting to feel hopeful. I feel great physically. Mentally, I'm getting there. I'm starting to realize more and more the friends that I should keep and the ones that I've outgrown.
-I went to the bar last night with the boys without Sammyj, and it was great, they really make me feel welcome, and they talk so openly with me and they think I'm funny and I can say whatever I want to and not worry about it coming back to bite me.
-One day until classes start and I can't wait--one of my papers from last semester is being used as notes for the developmental disabilities class, and I'm very excited. Eight days until mini-vacation with Sammyj, and I also really really really can't wait, it's going to be wonderful. I need a break, and he needs a break, and I love him and it's wonderful. Krista comes home from the cruise Friday, and Saturday is the big party.
-Home is crazy but I just keep telling myself, 1 more year, 2 at most. I have a job waiting for me after graduation, it pays to teach the children of teachers.
-I have things happening that I want to write about and get out but I can't here, some things are meant to stay between the few. I told Sammyj even though I wasn't supposed to talk about it at all, but I needed to get it out.
-Nightmares were crazy last night!! A whole lot of claustrophobia. I was in Africa doing some ceremonial thing that involved laying in a tiny pipe tube thing under a sketchy old van--freaked my world, shot out of bed and almost smacked Sammyj in the process. He slept right through, I envy his sleeping capabilities. His face got busted by Patrick and it makes me laugh, because, seriously, it's Patrick. Against a Judd. Judds lack blood clotting powers as it turns out. Note to self and anyone that has a hairy man in their lives--BEARDS ARE NOT BAND-AIDS.
-Flobots are my new fave, as are the Legion of Doom. And karaoke bars every Tuesday night even though I probably can't go once school starts--Mondays are 12 hours of class nonstop, Tuesdays are 10 hours of class to work to class nonstop, Wednesdays are 11 hours of class to work nonstop at least. Cute! Luckily, my 2 classes for work got canceled so instead of 24 credits I'm just taking 18, and one of those is intro to Spanish because I needed 1 more core and it happened to fit in my schedule. Fantastico. I already did half the workbook.
-Tomorrow is my first day running program at work and I'm super excited. The cutest kids ever just started and I just want to squish their faces all day.
-Gluten free is slowly becoming delicious as I figure things out (FYI, gluten free cupcake batter doesn't hold down marshmallows quite like wheat cupcake batter, and they may have exploded in the oven, but they were delicious). I made baked ziti that tastes like baked ziti and Vans GF Apple Cinnamon Waffles are fucking amazing.
-I just realized that this entry was a lot to take in so I kind of separated it by topic I guess?
-I don't have the money for Sarah's tattoo and I'm still unsure of exactly where but I've got the itch, so I'm going to go after mini-vacation and get my Om. Probably on my rib, but possibly on my wrist. Either way, on my left side. Also, I'll get the one on my ankle fixed up. Danny is back at the Cliff's on Middle Country thank goddddddd so I can go there.
-And my Danny is going to start making his delicious spindip without flour and hopefully it's wonderful, if not I'll give him flour that I can eat, because I can't live without his spindip. Tomorrow morning I'm making tortilla chips out of corn tortillas that are too hard to make wraps out of but probably perfect for chip making.
-The ad next to the text box is asking me if I want to visit the official Tom Cruise site. I really don't think that I do.

Mixed feelings.

Sun, 04 Jan 2009 03:15:11 GMT

I have Celiac Disease.
While I'm glad that all of my physical problems (stomach problems, nutrition problems, anemia, anxiety, my period being deathly, being tired, sick, and weak), I have a seriously deep emotional connection to cookies.
This week I start my gluten-free diet, and I'll try it for a month. I've been diagnosed purely through a blood test, and not through a biopsy, so there is a very small chance it's wrong, but I know it isn't. In about 6 months and then again in a year, I'll take the tests again, and then I'll have a confirmation.
I had my last piece of pizza tonight, and I've never appreciated wheat more.

That's delicious.

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 17:14:29 GMT

Last night was exactly what I wanted it to be, and this year is going to be amazing. Things are really falling into place, and in a few days I'll be getting test results back to find out exactly why I've been so sick my whole life and I'll be able to be healthy finally and I cannot wait. I've found this group of people who took me in so readily and really love me for who I am. There's no drama, no gossip, it's just real, and it's exactly what I need.
Happy new year

Sun, 21 Dec 2008 00:30:52 GMT

It's not that I deserve more; I deserve better.

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 19:28:52 GMT

you're so vain, i bet you think this blog is about you.

Years of love

Tue, 14 Oct 2008 14:57:42 GMT

This year and the next year and the year after that! Babies and weddings and love and I'm so excited about all of it.

giddy.

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 02:09:15 GMT

P.S. Michael Scott has my yoga mat.
P.P.S. At a gas station. In the rain. PERFECT.

ha.

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 02:08:17 GMT

What age will you get married?

Put an x in every box that applies to you
then add them up, and thats your age!

[] You know how to make a pot of coffee
[x] You keep track of dates using a calendar
[x] You own a credit card
[] You know how to change the oil in a car
[x] You've done your own laundry
[x] You can vote in an election
[x] You can cook for yourself
[] You think politics are exciting
TOTAL SO FAR: 5

[] You show up for school late a lot
[x] You always carry a pen in your bag/purse/pocket
[x] You've never gotten a detention
[] You have forgotten your own birthday at least once
[x] You like to take walks by yourself
[x] You know what credibility means,without looking it up
[] You drink caffeine at least once a week
TOTAL SO FAR: 9

[x] You know how to do the dishes
[x] You can count to 10 in another language
[] When you say you're going to do something you do it
[x] You study when you have to
[x] You have hand washed a car before
TOTAL SO FAR: 13

[x] You can spell experience,without looking it up
[] The people at Starbucks know you by name
[x] Your favorite kind of food is take out
[] The first thing you do when you wake up is get caffeine
[x] You can go to the store without getting something you don't need
[x] You understand political jokes the first time they are said
TOTAL SO FAR: 17

[] Your only friends are from your place of employment
[x] You have been to a Tupperware party
[x] You have realized that no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job
[x] You have more bills than you can pay
[x] You have been to the beach
[x] You use the internet every day
[x] You have been outside of the united states 3 or more times
[x] You make your own bed
TOTAL: 24

I'm going to be married at 24, based on the fact that I can't pay my bills? FANTASTIC.

Real update for once?

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 20:36:38 GMT

I stopped taking birth control Sept 5, because I was far too emotional. I was constantly either really happy or devastated, and I cried hysterically every few days. I started going to therapy in August, and it helped, but only on the day that I went, so, really not that effective. Since the 5th, I've had 1 super emotional moment, and I feel better, like, every day my head is coming out of a really bad fog. I'm not okay yet, but I'm getting there.

I LOVE therapy. If anyone ever tells you it isn't effective, or it's for crazies, they're wrong. It's just an hour where I don't have anyone bothering me, and I can vent to a completely uninvolved person about ANYTHING. It's the best thing ever.

I have 5 semesters until I'm done with school, which means I have 5 semesters until I can move out. I can't wait that long. I'm not used to having this many people in my house, and I hate that I've had to change so much to fit in with them. The girls are constantly up my ass, literally knocking on my door about 10 times a night to tell me NOTHING "Oh, hey, just saying hi." "Oh, hey, guess what {insert dumb meaningless story}." They tell me things that they don't want Lee and my mom to know, and it kills me that I have to keep things from my mom know. FYI, the younger one has a boyfriend. In Westchester. They met on Facebook. Child rapist, probably. Fantastic. I'm not comfortable at home, because the walls are paper thin and the girls know my every move. I don't want to live somewhere where I have to keep my bedroom door locked even when I'm home. I'm thinking of taking courses every intersession to get done as soon as possible. And I'm not going straight for my Master's, I have to work and get the fuck out.

I'm so glad I changed my major to therapeutic recreation. I'm in love with every class, and it's exactly what I've been looking for. I can get paid to play with kids? Yes please. I think what I'm going to end up doing is opening up a play center specifically for kids with disabilities. I don't know if you've ever tried to bring kids with disabilities out to a bowling alley, or a park, or a fun4all type place, but it's not suited for them. Parents should have a place where they can bring their children, no matter what the situation, and know that they will be taken care of and safe. Think Chuck E Cheese, only accessible, and no seizure inducing lights or seriously overstimulating music/noises/color explosions/giant mouse costumes.

Love.

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 16:03:45 GMT

Well, you done done me and you bet I felt it, I tried to be chill but your so hot that I melted. I fell right through the cracks, now I'm trying to get back before the cool done run out, I'll be giving it my best test and nothings gonna stop me but divine intervention. I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some. But I won't hesitate no more, no more, it cannot wait--I'm yours. Well open up your mind and see like me, open up your plans and damn you're free, look into your heart and you'll find love (love love love). Listen to the music of the moment, people dance and sing; we're just one big family, and it's our godforsaken right to be loved (loved loved loved loved). So, I won't hesitate no more, no more, it cannot wait. I'm sure there's no need to complicate, our time is short, this is our fate--I'm yours. I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror and bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer, but my breath fogged up the glass and so I drew a new face and I laughed. I guess what I'd be saying is there ain't no better reason to rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons. It's what we aim to do, our name is our virtue. But I won't hesitate no more, no more it cannot wait--I'm yours. Well open up your mind and see like me, open up your plans and damn you're free, look into your heart and you will find that the sky is yours. So please don't, please don't, please don't, there's no need to complicate, because our time is short. This, this, this is our fate--I'm yours.

Green!

Sat, 05 Jul 2008 02:50:21 GMT

When we move, we're gonna go green. We're going do environmentally sound--all new appliances, nonVOC paint, and natural/recycled carpeting (if we need carpeting). We're going to get a rainwater reservoir, as well as a greenhouse so that we can grow our own produce. A composter too! Lee isn't as pumped as my mom and I, but it should be easy. Everything that I've bought for the house is natural and totally safe, from my cleaners to my toothpaste to my bedding. No chemicals here! It's gonna be awesome.
I'm also officially meatfree, and moving to no dairy. I only have diary now if I don't have another option. But I love soymilk, and SoDelicious soy ice cream sandwiches are pure bliss. I got a lot of recipes that I'm excited to try when I move. Did I mention I got vegan chocolate? LOVE.